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Mid-year Stocktake [Jul. 14th, 2009|02:31 pm]
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Setting aside the whole illegal surveillance deal, during the last two years I have:

  • Been told someone wants to kill me (sister's violent partner).
  • Had someone threaten to kill me while in earshot.
  • Had someone smile and tell me, directly, that they wanted to slit my throat.
  • Had someone try and incinerate me while I slept.
  • Had a threat of rape.
  • Been emotional and verbally abused (more than once).
  • Been picked on and bullied (more than once).
  • Been physically assaulted.
  • Lived in my car.
  • Spent an extended period in crisis accommodation.
  • Been abused (over weeks) in transitional accommodation.
  • Etc., etc...


You know, I'm sick of pretending that I can cope with it. I'm sick of pretending that even what's been inflicted on me in the last six months hasn't been damaging.

In general, I'm sick of trying to cope and get better when I have a shit load of baggage to deal with (and fuck all help to do it).

In short, as the Buddha would say, existence is suffering - and ain't that the truth!
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Charitable Thoughts : Charitable Deeds [Jun. 25th, 2009|12:16 pm]
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After almost a week of exploring my meditation practice in a variety of ways the Gods of Centrelink have continued to shine and I am soon to begin my first tentative steps into the world without a Medical Certificate.

While my meditation practice is beginning to show the first light of some positive personal change I know through my reading, and understanding, that aint what its all about, .k?

I recently read a wonderful essay 'Buddhism is not self-help' which, in a nutshell, pointed out that the right intention should be for the benefit of all sentient beings (even those ones I currently don't think I could swerve for if they crossed the road in front of me - but, hey ... its been over 20 years or so but I'm still a beginner!).

While I am, with help, looking to get active with some volunteer work I had two thoughts about possible charitable enterprises that I thought I'd share. I don't have the pennies to Google them, and I fully expect that - in the great internet tradition of G.M.T.A!!! - someone somewhere is already working on them.

But I haven't heard about them locally and, maybe, one of the Three People Who Read This Journal TM. could find them useful?

So, as alms for starting my weekend early ( two thoughts.. )
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Deconstructing A Happier Buddhist [Jun. 18th, 2009|12:26 pm]
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I once read that Buddhist nuns, imprisoned and tortured in Tibet, when asked how they felt about their captors - how they survived - replied 'We made them our teachers.'

With that in mind - From Yoga: The Science Of The Soul by Osho...

( Patience, grasshopper! )
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Baldrick, I have a cunning plan! [Jun. 15th, 2009|11:34 am]
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I was thinking this morning as I enjoyed my cup of tea (I still like Warren Ellis's description of tea - 'Hot water with twigs in it.') about the offal hypocrisy at play in the Government and Police response to the racially motivated attacks on Indian students.

(Added to which, I've seen it for myself - I intervened a few months back when a meathead was having a go at one of my favourite Indian boys who works in the 7-11.)

To start with, one of the Police cheeses made a statement that the students should 'avoid talking loudly' implying that this could be annoying people ('I don't like your accent! I'm going to bash you!') or drawing unwanted attention. Have the upper reaches of Victorian Police command been on public transport lately? It's not the international students that are giving me headaches! Its cashed up bogans drawing out their vowels in my earshot as if they're sat at home in their loungerooms. I don't want to hear about your sex life, which club you're going to and whether your boyfriend is good in bed. I don't want to hear your half of a screeching-like-a-demented-cocky phone call with your besties. Shut up already!

Now that I have that off my ample bosom can I add that there are aspects of Indian society that do trouble me. Every year, when news is slow, there's usually a brief rush about truly horrible so-called 'honour killings' and women who have been scarred for life after having acid thrown in their faces, or set on fire, by men they refused to marry. Yes, I do realise that this is a minuscule percentage of the quite massive population of that country but it is horrific and, I'm sure that our Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, would join me in calling it 'un-Australian'.

We don't want that kind of behavior here. In Australia, if you are a slimy, weedy but extremely well-connected Catholic and a woman of South East Asian ancestry (amongst other bits) decides that she prefers singledom and Buddhism to you, you do not pour petrol on her and set her on fire.

No! In this country, the appropriate response is to install secret cameras in her flat, a GPS tracker on her car, intercept her phone calls and emails (and ring her when you notice her meditating!), harass her, destroy all of her social networks and supports, turn her family against her, get her bullied into leaving her job and her home and keep it up for six fucking years!

And, you know what? Our government, law enforcement and media will just turn a blind eye (that's when they're not actively helping, of course).

So, if you would like to have some fun and show up the corruption and hypocrisy that leads to any non-whiter-than-white and anything-other-than-Christian being treated like merde in this beautiful land then get hold of some of illegal surveillance footage (someone will know someone who can get their hands on it) and send it to The Times Of India and Indian TV.

I will be more than happy to give them an exclusive interview! ;)
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Public Service Mental Health Awareness Announcement [Jun. 12th, 2009|01:29 pm]
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*>Ahem*

I would have liked to have thought that in the enlightened post-millennium 'naughties' messages such as this would be superfluous.

Anyways...

I have Post-traumatic Stress (although, how much of that is Post is a topic that could fill many, many, LJ entries). This means that I can be 'triggered' and suffer a stress reaction.

I will try a simple analogy - I am scared of spiders. When I see one I go all OMFG!!!! to varying degrees (depending on size of spider, proximity, alcohol units consumed etc...).

Just because (a) YOU are not scared of spiders or (b)YOU did not see the spider before it scuttled behind the big picture on the wall in the loungeroom does not make my reaction of OMFG!!!! in any way unreasonable or fucking crazy.

Do we understand each other?

Thank you.

We will now return to our usual programming...
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Analyse This! [Jun. 6th, 2009|12:02 pm]
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After a wonderful Thursday morning catching up with my fellow happy campers for coffee (and getting photos - straight to the pool room! or, in my case, the back of my bedroom door) my mood was nuked during what should have been a 'house meeting'.

( Cut for a ramble & rant... )
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I Haz Beanz Ons Holidayz! [May. 30th, 2009|02:32 pm]
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My delightful stalkers have always run a particularly nasty form of slander. In my previous small town they progressively approached most (not all - they didn't dare go near some of the really good eggs) the peeps I socialised with and bought them off. Then they turned around and said 'Look! Look! She's unfriendly! No-one likes her!'.

Similarly, in order to hide the fact that I wanted nothing to do with them, or their ilk, they claimed that they were the 'nice' ones and I was the one with the problems that led to me being disliked.

A favourite slander came from the explanation of why it was I would happily socialise with others but not them. They couldn't admit the problem was them and that my behavior (given the harassment, bullying and stalking) was completely reasonable. So they claimed I 'blew hot and cold' and that I had a 'split personality'. All of which was designed to disguise the bloody obvious - they are vile creatures and I wanted to get away from them and, also, anyone they had doing their dirty work for them.

That's why my holidayz has been so enjoyable! I think I have finally exploded the myth of my rumoured 'split personality' and of being 'unfriendly' and 'unlikeable'.

I had a great time and, based on all our chats about it, so did everyone else (some even contrasting how 'sociable' everyone was compared to the last trip they'd been on.

So, for the record - if you encounter an 'unfriendly' and 'unlikeable' side ( of me... )
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Like Brumby, I'm Just Looking After Me Mates! [May. 20th, 2009|01:26 pm]
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[Current Music |Linda Ronstadt's cover of the Rolling Stone's 'Tumbling Dice']

I did, in fact, survive my birthday and still have a couple of boozy days before the next method of torture begins. I have been exceptionally fortunate in being a recipient of the Federal government's recent largess and it has made my last few weeks of freedom truly delightful. But, all good things must come to an end and, as I start considering the various ways that I can survive on tinned baked beans and spaghetti again, my thoughts have turned to my similarly hard-up brethren. There's a lot of us out there and this is why i was one of the many disgusted at this rather dodgy decision by our State Government to give the Crown casino another mates deal (for the uniformed they're pretty much exempt from every bit of legislation and only pay $1 a year for their prime site).

Now, I do not encourage you to gamble but, as a public service announcement, for those of you who are interested, on a purely theoretical level, I'm going to give you a prime on ( how to count cards. )
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Its My Party And I'll Lie If I Want To... [May. 18th, 2009|02:15 pm]
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It occured to me this morning that at the stroke of midnight I will be another year closer to the recently increased retirement age (and only one year off a *BIG* birthday). This is not good. Not so much the getting older (quite okay with that) but birthdays bring up memories of birthdays past and a lot of mine are not good. But, before I try and obliterate the flashbacks with a rough red I have decided to give all you young 'uns the benefit of my advancing years. That, and three nights of Eurovision, have my thoughts leading to fashion. More particularly, all the bad stuff.

Click on the cut if you dare - I'm going to make Trinny and Susannah look like the nicest people you've ever met.

( How To Pick A Fake )
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The Important Questions Of Our Time [May. 16th, 2009|02:24 pm]
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I was thinking, as I drove here, of those momentous differences that can divide us... cat or dog? Beatles or Rolling Stones? My psychologist gave me a new one a few weeks ago - those who validate their own feelings first and those who validate the feelings of others before their own (I'm in the latter category). But, on the drive here, I realised, in this city at least there is another one - Mick Gatto or Mark 'Chopper' Read?

I will state loudly and proudly I am most definately a Mark Read woman. What about you?

E.T.A - linkies for the bewildered.
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I Have A Fertile Imagination (Amongst Other Things) [May. 12th, 2009|01:50 pm]
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Some background stuff for the novel that you may enjoy reading....

On Alice's hearing problems - she has trouble 'habituating' due to PTS (memory linked). She can be highly noise sensitive and, equally, have varying levels of deafness.
( Rock'n'roll Aint Noise Pollution (But A Lot Of Stuff Is) )

Alice stalkers have really stuffed up by turning Alice's life into a reality series without treating her with respect or allowing her her dignity. Doesn't go down well with Aussies...

( Sing It Aretha! )
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Tip Of The... [May. 9th, 2009|12:36 pm]
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"Is it not a fact that the Premier refuses to establish an independent, broad-based anti-corruption commission because he has known all along that this corruption exists at the highest levels of government and throughout the Labor Party?" ~ clicky




E.T.A. - Just read this in [info]scottynola's journal. Even if you are not in the US of A I think buying Pepsi is the go! :)
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Here We Go Again.. [May. 5th, 2009|02:45 pm]
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I am enjoying my last few days of boozy freedom before a new housemate arrives. Longtime viewers readers will know what this may entail. In the meantime, I've been thinking about 80's fashion (scored a great black fishnet dress at the 2nd hand store yesterday) and working on a list of 'Things Alice Thinks About To Cheer Herself Up'.

( The list V.1 )

E.T.A - Should probably add in Alice's present quote du jour - 'If men didn't exist the world would be full of lots of happy, fat, hairy women!' ;)
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I'm Not The Only One! [May. 3rd, 2009|02:57 pm]
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For my 'What you need to know about the 1980s' post I was going to point out that Agyness Deyn has ripped off her look from my mega-teenage girlcrush object of lust Jeny Howarth. But someone has already done it for me ... read part 1 and part 2. (NB. No girlcrush on Agyness ... no fakes please - you can't beat the original.)
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I've Moved On From Granny Squares... [May. 2nd, 2009|08:23 pm]
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It used to be that craft for mental health clients involved macrame and basket weaving. I was recently part of a group learning how to work with leather - I made a lighter cover and a tobacco pouch.

Inspired, I found this broken necklace going for pennies in a 2nd hand shop and decided to get creative. I've also struggled to find stuff I'd like to wear (other than in 2nd hand shops) so I will probably continue getting crafty. Just thought I'd share. ;)

On a related note ... it appears that 'the 1980s' is the latest fashion revival. I feel old. I was there the first time. I'm still wearing stuff I owned back then.

But I do wonder how the cool kids of the naughties will manage. Do they understand that you can't have long blonde hair because it looks 1970s and that's what we were rebelling against (short, punk cropped, obviously dyed blonde hair, on the other hand, is perfectly acceptable). Boys can wear make-up (not just eyeliner) and girls can dress as boys but it should be your own make-up and not clothes you've temporarily borrowed from your brother - we didn't like fakes back then (some of us still don't). You may have put hours into those tight abs but roll-down top ankle length tubes skirts are designed to show off your belly (so you need one to show off - and hips to stop the skirt falling down). And, yes, having your bandanna hanging out of the back of your jeans pocket was 'a look' but be really careful - picking a primary colour just because you like it could have you sending mixed messages to sub-cultures that you never intended to get involved with...

I'm going to be interested to see how this 80's thing plays out. I may research and post some tips. Kids these days need guidance on such important matters.
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Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbour's Ass [Apr. 28th, 2009|09:57 pm]
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[Current Music |Know Your Enemy by Green Day (on the car radio - Triple EMO)]


DSC00798
Originally uploaded by nep.stanley
I'm getting back into experiemental photography. This is from my recent 'Bad Moon Rising' series .... ;)
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I Don't Know How Many Times I'll Have To Remind Y'all... [Apr. 27th, 2009|02:12 pm]
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An anecdote...

The scene: An open entry in a journal on a social networking site, early in the naughties.

The Cast: Let's call them C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R. and Kiwi Dr. Jen.

The Background: C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R. and his girlfriend Nigel have stalked an overweight, rapidly greying, middle-aged Librarian called Alice offline (as to why, all I can say is that there's clearly a fetish market out there for everyone). Alice, they have discovered, is not as flattered by this illegal and unethical behavior as they'd hoped and has given them the proverbial finger. But C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R. and Nigel now have a whole information network set-up with peeps who'll email on her private journal entries, neighbours who'll report her comings and goings and evil dwarves, at the local pub, who will take directions, via SMS, to allow the girlfriends to destroy any possibility she has of having an enjoyable night out ('cause they're all, like, jealous, .k?).

The Convo... : C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R. is whining because Alice keeps trying to get on with her life and, y'know, have some fun. And he, like, keeps hearing about it and IT MAKES HIM SO ANGRY!!!. And, kinda, if, Alice would just BEHAVE BITCH!!! he wouldn't be upset and SHE'S THE ONE CAUSING ALL THIS.

Kiwi Dr Jen tries to reason with C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R.. In calm, soothing tones, she points out that, well, kiddo, maybe you just need to STOP STALKING ALICE and then you wont hear about her attempts to get a life and, ergo, you wont be upset.

And, C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R.'s reply?

'But people keep on sending this stuff to me!'

To which Kiwi Dr Jen, with the eloquence that could only come with a PHd in obscure poetic cults of the early neolithic area, types back:

'THEN TELL THEM TO STOP!'

I am, of course, paraphrasing. But I have heard, from Alice herself, that she watched this conversation, taking place in an open journal, comment by comment and was, along with Kiwi Dr Jen all *Head Desk* by the end.

C. 'Warren Ellis called and he wants his shirt back' R. just did nae geddit...

....and, it appears, this is NOT an isolated case. You see, Alice has, since, encountered more than one individual who has taken a similar attitude and, become upset, and blamed on Alice, information that they have HAD TO BREAK FEDERAL AND STATE LAWS TO GET.

Alice, meanwhile, is (still!) just trying (oh so trying!) to get a life.

So, as a reminder for anyone currently stalking Alice - all together now, bring in the Greek chorus, and sing as one :'If you're going to listen at keyholes don't complain about what you hear!'

Thank you and goodnight.
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"Jesus Hates Bald Pussy" (*) [Apr. 14th, 2009|05:16 pm]
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Wasn't intending to post but, on the walk up, two young'ns walked by, the other way, and, just as they passed me, one hissed. Never seen them before but they obviously knew me (well enough to form a rather strident opinion). A little further up, a car full of similar aged young people, complete with green 'P' plates, and I got a cheerful 'Whooooohooooo!' as they drove by.

50/50. Divide and conquer anyone? ;)

(*) An appropriately Easter themed quote from the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson. Interesting guy. (His mother was a Librarian.)
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And We Were All Busy Discussing What Therese Looked like With Her Clothes ON... [Apr. 5th, 2009|12:42 pm]
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Heard about this on the radio...

'Men with links to bikie gangs could have infiltrated the prime minister's residence.

Late last year, four men arrived at The Lodge in Canberra saying they were maintenance workers, ABC Television reported on Sunday.

They were carrying documentation with them suggesting they had been cleared by the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet.

"The police on duty ... were uneasy, given that the men were tattooed and dressed like bikies but they had what appeared to be legitimate documentation and it all checked out, so the police eventually let them into the grounds and into the care of Lodge staff," the ABC reported.

The men spent at least one hour inside the house and were unsupervised for much of that time.'



Can I just say, on behalf of all of my fellow Australians, that this could lead to one sex tape we never want to find on You Porn!
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At The End Nothing Left To Straighten Out [Apr. 3rd, 2009|05:14 pm]
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Self-portrait
Originally uploaded by nep.stanley
Haven't done one of these for a while. Hungover self-portrait - post-coffee, pre-shower & make-up. Don't say ever say that i can't face up to the naked truth! ;)


E.T.A - Just came across this while browsing The Age. Well done, I say! Let's hear more of it! :

'It's hard to keep up appearances, hard to keep the crow's feet at bay and hard to keep your tummy taut. But that is what is expected of women. We are expected to keep ourselves nice, keep our weight down, do our hair, paint our faces and dress like we're not off to Coles. But not men.

And yet it's our fault there's not enough rooting?'
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